Tuesday, July 21, 2009

California...Here We Come?

If you are family, a Facebook friend, or have perhaps just figured it out from the last few posts, you will know that there has been a little drama around the Tigerden lately. It all began with a visit from my parents and my sister's family. We had an awesome time. Too awesome. Because when they left, FB was devastated! He decided we needed to move west and for a solid week he moped, pouted, job hunted for Tigerfan, and planned the BIG MOVE! He was clingy and slightly annoying (I know, you aren't supposed to say that about your own child...but it is true!).

Finally...FINALLY he snapped out of it. Unfortunately, it was replaced by a new even more impossible dream. To move to L.A. and become a child actor. Oh, how I wish I was kidding right now. I cannot even believe I am typing this post...but I am.

And people, he is OBSESSED! He has spent the last 2 days watching every second of television I will allow. When I force him off, he goes straight for the computer to "research" his new found passion. He can give you the bio on every Disney actor you can think of. He has googled how to get into acting and asked me how to hire an agent.

Tigerfan and I have suggested that maybe he ease into it. You know, like being in a local play. But no. It must be L.A. Preferably Disney. And it would really be great if he could get a STARRING role in one of his two favorite programs. Today would be good. I mean really. Once I forbid all technology, he begins aimlessly walking around the house almost in tears lamenting the fact that we have not yet moved him to the Hollywood Hills. I have been pounded with questions about earthquakes in that area: Are the studios earthquake proof, how many do they have, when was the last one. I have been asked every school related question possible: Where do child actors go to school, When do they do lessons when they are filming? Where do they go to college?

He is DRIVING ME CRAZY! He is clinging to me constantly begging for me to make this happen. I don't want to squelch his dream. If this is his passion...okay, give it time. However, history shows that in about 3 days something else will come along and the whole acting thing will be a brief, albeit painful, memory.

As I was hiding, I mean cleaning the kitchen, tonight, I really began to think about this situation of ours...which, by the way, one friend has informed me is fueled by pre-pubescent hormones and should only last approximately one or two more years! I realized, that so often, I am the same way to my Heavenly Father.

I get a dream, a desire, an idea into my head and I immediately assume that is His best for me. I then proceed to beg, plead, cry, pout and bargain to try to show God how right that thing is for me. I can see all the wonderful, positive reasons why God should give me this or allow that, and when He says no, I am baffled, angry, confused. I whine, I pout and I "cling" to God explaining to Him how great it would be, how effective I could be for Him "if only..." I tire out His ears explaining all my research, thoughts, ideas, questions but I never really take time to be still and listen for Him.

As an adult, as a parent, I can look at this desire of FB's and see so many things wrong with his plan. I know what happens to most child actors. I know how hard it is to break into that world and how hard it is to stay committed to Christ in the midst of it. I look and see so many things that could go wrong and I can see why this might not be the best. But...I don't really know, could God use him there? OF COURSE! That is just it, I don't know.

How much more can I trust my Heavenly Father. He Knows! When I begin begging, pleading, hoping, dreaming, He KNOWS what is best. He knows what will go wrong and He knows what is right. He wants the best. Not good...the best. When He says no, it is because there is something so much better that He has for me. Why don't I listen to that? Why do I spend so much time clinging instead of listening and obeying? I have a loving Father who desires to give me the best, to shield me from mistakes and to use me! He has a plan for ME, for you, and for Football Boy! How blessed we are to have such a loving Father and how I desire to reflect Him in my parenting!

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.