Friday, September 12, 2008

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The day started with such promise. I overslept. By two hours. Yes, I did not get out of bed until 7:00 and the world, it did not stop spinning! I took Baby downstairs and checked the email and had the sweetest note I have ever had from a student...this is the reason I teach (well.., that and so I can afford for MY kids to go to tutorial!). I am attaching a portion of the email (not to toot my own horn or anything, but there is no other way to describe the preciousness of this note!

I wanted to let you know that you are the best teacher I have EVER had. I say that about alot of teachers but you are byfar the best! You make it SO much easyer for me to learn. I told my mom that and she said "great teachers are like that,they make it so much easyer for you to learn, and Miss Star is a great teacher".And I said yes mam, she sure is.

Wow, I am tearing up again!

Anyway, then I began checking some blogs and upon reading one of my favorites The Mother Load, I discovered she had given me this award:

How great is that! I am really excited...I mean it is even a Gold card. Now, I must make an aside to say I need to award this to a few others. The rules are as follows:

You may choose 5 awardees

Choose 4 faithful readers of your blog.

1 should be someone new or someone far away.

So, I would like to award The Purple Diva, Happy Mommy, Four Little Penguins, Adopted as His Own, and P.S. He Loves You. All of them qualify because they are all faithful readers and they all live pretty far from me. So I am NOT breaking the rules because, if anything, I am a rule follower to a fault!

Anyway, back to the post. The day began with such promise. I have found myself very stressed lately and very focused on circumstances. I have really felt the burden of my children's education deeply this year and felt like it will be totally my fault if they grow up warped because not only am I mothering them but I am schooling them. This is an ongoing feeling for many homeschoolers, but it has PLAGUED me this year. Anyway, in my Wed. night Bible study we talked a little about this when studying Ruth. How Naomi and Elimelech left Bethlehem (The house of Bread) to go to Moab ( a place almost cursed by God's people). They left with good reason, a famine. And yet instead of focusing on God and His promise to take care of His people, they chose to take care of themselves.

This was SO convicting to me, because that is what I do. I KNOW God wants me to home school. So instead of looking at all my shortcomings and inadequacies, I should just focus on a God who is able to overcome those things. And so, I began today with a promise to not stress. To enjoy my children and not freak out about every little thing, to bask in the honor of having my babies at home. And I started out good. I didn't stress about starting late. I didn't blast the kids out of bed at 6:30 (I couldn't, I was still in bed). We laughed and played and enjoyed one another.

Until I got a phone call before 9:00 about an issue that happened yeaterday at tutorial. An issue I am involved with only because it concerns my son's best friend and another good friend of his. They, apparently got in a fight yesterday, about what no one knows and it has blown into mountainous proportions! I have talked to both other parents, the parent of another child in their class, their teacher...and my child was not involved other than being friends with them both. As the morning progressed, and the calls continued and my own children fussed with one another, I felt the stress rising.

Then, we noticed a strange smell. I pretty much brushed it off until Tigerfan came home for lunch and declared it was gas. And told our highly paranoid 11 year old that it could cause the house to explode. We checked all the gas in the house and have decided that the kids may have wiggled a knob on the stove causing some gas to leak out...we are not sure. BUT because we don't know and because my son WILL be medicated some day, he is now outside and refuses to come in because (I can only imagine) he is sure of his impending demise if he does. And, while I am enjoying the peace of it. It stresses me!

I think, perhaps, that Satan has figured out that this is my area of weakness and man does he know how to get me. Here I am again. Muscles tight, headache coming on, and close to tears feeling so out of control and so frustrated and all I can see are the circumstances of right now, not how God can deliver me in time. Has anyone been there? Because I could really use someone telling me that I don't need to give up and go to Moab and then PLEASE tell me how. I know I am in the wrong place because I have eaten everything that hasn't jumped up and RUN out of my way the past two days. Despite my hard work and progress, I cannot resist sticking anything and everything into my mouth and as I do, I am telling myself: Self, you should not be eating this! And then I do!

So there, it is. The good, bad, and ugly of my day. I promise, eventually, I will stop whining and get back to the light hearted blog I used to be!


Growin' with it! said...

oh dear. so you've read my "no good, very bad day" post and also hopefully saw that i survived. there is ALWAYS a new day. and like one of my sweetest friends said to me in a comment:
His mercies are new every morning.

i can't think of any better words of comfort than that. hang in there!!

P.S. He loves you... said...

Sweet! I'm honored!

Thank you very much for sharing this!

Have a great great great weekend!

Happy Mommy said...

I am so with your son! The house just might blow up...
Thank you for always reading and for the award!

AdoptedAsHisOwn said...

Wow! S! You are too kind!!

Dan said...

Hey my very lovely daughter. Your worst days are always a joy, a blessing, and a high spot every time I read about them. They may be a challenge but you make them sound so funny. Because I know you so well I know that what you have said is not just masterful writing (though it is) it is real and I can picture every minute of it. God lets you go through this because you not only handle it so well but I am sure you entertain him greatly in the process. Besides he teaches those precious children that things can be tough but life is still good. The kids are worth keeping though. Look what I ended up with, 3 of the best! Life is good and you are great! Keep entertaining God and sharing it with the world.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

You have such a delightful way of sharing your trials. We all have our trials-remember after the trial of our faith comes the blessings. Hang on for the blessings.
Thanks so much for the award. You have just made me feel so special.
It's always good to know I have a friend in you!