I have turned my comments back on! Why? I need you my little bloggy friends...I need you terribly!
You see, this school year...it is not going well. I have been reading a book lately and one of the chapters is called, "In the Valley of Dry Bones". That is where I am. I am truly just drained. We have only been in school for 2 1/2 weeks and for the first time in my home schooling journey, I am ready to throw in the towel.
Our days are utter chaos, my house is utter chaos, and my soul feels utterly chaotic! I know, all I have done lately is whine, I am sorry...that is why I need you. I need your honest little bloggy souls to pick me up by the boot straps and tell me to get over it.
I just can't seem to do it for myself.
Tigerfan says that it is because I am doing this Bible Study for my kids. He says that Satan is attacking because of it. And, perhaps he is right, although I certainly don't think I am writing anything really deep or profound. But he is definitely hitting those areas. So far, the last three weeks, whatever "fruit" we are studying is the area we are really being hit in. The love week was mild in comparison, but last week was joy. Over and over little things crept into our home stealing our joy. And I, the one who is "teaching", and I use that term VERY loosely, was the worst.
This week, is peace...I do not think I have ever had so much chaos and lack of peace in my home ever! From the mess, to the piles of laundry that disturb the physical peace, to fighting among siblings, to the total storm within me over my feelings of failure and frustration and anger because things aren't going like they should.
I have a pre-teen who is mad at me constantly, a 20 month old who thinks he is two and acts accordingly, tantrums at all, a 6 year old still struggling terribly just to stay afloat with reading and math skills, and a 9 year old whose greatest joy in life is stirring things up and annoying people into crying, screaming, or yelling!
On top of this, the work load is overwhelming me and we are spending a minimum of 8 hours a day doing school. I cannot seem to be everywhere I need to be and have four little ones all needing something that I seem unable to give.
I am sitting here, tears streaming down my face in utter surrender. I do not feel God has changed his mind about us home schooling, but we have seriously looked at a private school this week (that we cannot afford). I am so frustrated because I know this is what I am supposed to be doing, but I just don't want to do it right now. I am in the valley of dry bones.
So, my precious friends, please pray. I know that you do not have any easy answers. I know these problems seem so small in comparison to what so many are going through right now. I know all of you have a million things going on as well. But I am asking that when you get a moment, please just lift us up. I don't even know what to ask you to pray for--perhaps the peace that is so illusive this week.
Thank you my dear friends, for letting me rant and vent and cry and pout. And thank you for your prayers!