For the precious two of you who asked:
Why haven't I posted in a week? Well, remember the old saying, if you can't say something nice...That is where I am this week.
It isn't any one thing. It is a hundred little small things that on their own are no big deal, but all bottled up in one moment in time...they are kickin' my tail.
Here is a little sampling:
1. Science Fair week. Not only am I teaching 15 5th graders how to do a project for the very first time, I have a child who has to do one as well. I have not been as organized as I should and have not been as "hands on" as I should have been with Football Boy, thus making the past week a little crazy. I take full blame, it is my own fault.
2. My home organization dreams in theory are going well. I am planning, doing my house blessing, doing a "small thing" each day...and still, my house is in total chaos. I am not sure why, but I am pretty sure it is my fault.
3. Son #2 is screaming for attention as is evidenced by his almost non stop recitation of every show and commercial he has seen on T.V. ever! I should take time for him, I should listen and laugh at his stories, I should enjoy his humor...instead, I brush him off or pretend I am listening by inserting the occasional "Oh!" or "Uh huh..." and walking away without a clue about what he just said. He is showing signs of middle child syndrome. It must be my fault.
4. Dancer is struggling with reading. She just isn't "getting" it. I have had nine hundred thousand conferences with her tutorial teacher. I am her home school teacher. I cannot seem to help. She is losing confidence, I am losing confidence (this is a post in itself!). Instead of spending extra time helping her, she keeps getting pushed aside because of Science Fair, big kid tests...I am failing her...and when she can't read, of course it is my fault.
5. I hurt my ankle a few weeks ago and took an exercise break while it healed. I used that opportunity to eat anything that couldn't get up and walk away. I have now stopped drinking my water, messed up my diet, and can't seem to drag my hiney out of bed to get up and get back into my routine. I have no motivation...my fault.
6. I am doing an incredible Bible Study with a group of incredible ladies and yet I feel like I am just going through the motions. Merely studying so I can check it off my to-do list and pat myself on the back, but I have no passion, I cannot seem to have a complete conversation with My Heavenly Father without my mind wandering off to who knows where. I am in a slump, and I KNOW it is my fault.
7. I have a head full of questions and conflicts about sermons, Bible Studies I have been a part of...things that seem to contradict one another, and I can't seem to figure out what I really believe and where I stand. I am right in the middle of one of those "I need to find myself" moments, but seem to be frozen in the "Maybe someone else will find me and tell me where I am" stage. I feel sure that all this confusion is all my fault and would be all cleared up if I would pray more, study more, read more, talk more...
You see, it is nothing, really, and yet it seems to be everything and while someday soon I am sure I will see funny moments in all this, right now, I just can't. Right now, I am tired, I am sad, I am frustrated, and all I can do is whine. I have done enough online whining in the past year and I really do not want that to be what this blog is. So, I have been quiet. Truly, I have been so busy that I haven't had time to even sit and think about what to post if I did...but I know this, too, shall pass and thank heavens that "joy comes in the morning."
Thanks for letting me vent...I promise, no more whining. I'm still trying to visit your blogs and I'll be back when I can play nice!