Thursday, February 5, 2009

Reasons I haven't been blogging

For the precious two of you who asked:

Why haven't I posted in a week? Well, remember the old saying, if you can't say something nice...That is where I am this week.

It isn't any one thing. It is a hundred little small things that on their own are no big deal, but all bottled up in one moment in time...they are kickin' my tail.

Here is a little sampling:

1. Science Fair week. Not only am I teaching 15 5th graders how to do a project for the very first time, I have a child who has to do one as well. I have not been as organized as I should and have not been as "hands on" as I should have been with Football Boy, thus making the past week a little crazy. I take full blame, it is my own fault.

2. My home organization dreams in theory are going well. I am planning, doing my house blessing, doing a "small thing" each day...and still, my house is in total chaos. I am not sure why, but I am pretty sure it is my fault.

3. Son #2 is screaming for attention as is evidenced by his almost non stop recitation of every show and commercial he has seen on T.V. ever! I should take time for him, I should listen and laugh at his stories, I should enjoy his humor...instead, I brush him off or pretend I am listening by inserting the occasional "Oh!" or "Uh huh..." and walking away without a clue about what he just said. He is showing signs of middle child syndrome. It must be my fault.

4. Dancer is struggling with reading. She just isn't "getting" it. I have had nine hundred thousand conferences with her tutorial teacher. I am her home school teacher. I cannot seem to help. She is losing confidence, I am losing confidence (this is a post in itself!). Instead of spending extra time helping her, she keeps getting pushed aside because of Science Fair, big kid tests...I am failing her...and when she can't read, of course it is my fault.

5. I hurt my ankle a few weeks ago and took an exercise break while it healed. I used that opportunity to eat anything that couldn't get up and walk away. I have now stopped drinking my water, messed up my diet, and can't seem to drag my hiney out of bed to get up and get back into my routine. I have no motivation...my fault.

6. I am doing an incredible Bible Study with a group of incredible ladies and yet I feel like I am just going through the motions. Merely studying so I can check it off my to-do list and pat myself on the back, but I have no passion, I cannot seem to have a complete conversation with My Heavenly Father without my mind wandering off to who knows where. I am in a slump, and I KNOW it is my fault.

7. I have a head full of questions and conflicts about sermons, Bible Studies I have been a part of...things that seem to contradict one another, and I can't seem to figure out what I really believe and where I stand. I am right in the middle of one of those "I need to find myself" moments, but seem to be frozen in the "Maybe someone else will find me and tell me where I am" stage. I feel sure that all this confusion is all my fault and would be all cleared up if I would pray more, study more, read more, talk more...

You see, it is nothing, really, and yet it seems to be everything and while someday soon I am sure I will see funny moments in all this, right now, I just can't. Right now, I am tired, I am sad, I am frustrated, and all I can do is whine. I have done enough online whining in the past year and I really do not want that to be what this blog is. So, I have been quiet. Truly, I have been so busy that I haven't had time to even sit and think about what to post if I did...but I know this, too, shall pass and thank heavens that "joy comes in the morning."

Thanks for letting me vent...I promise, no more whining. I'm still trying to visit your blogs and I'll be back when I can play nice!

8 comments:

Kelly said...

It's your blog, you can whine if you want to!
I'm sorry for your stress...I'll send a loving prayer up in hopes that you feel calm and collected and things start to slow down for you.
If I lived close by, I'd stop on over and help your little Dancer with her reading...that was my favorite subject to teach and help students with. Wish I could help, friend!
Deep breaths!!!!!

P.S.He loves you.. said...

You are always so nice when you stop by to comment..I should be more like you.

I think what your going through is so normal that if you weren't I would wonder what's up with that?!

SO hang on..hang in..and come hang out when you have free time ;D

Be blessed because you are blessed because HE LOVES YOU!

AdoptedAsHisOwn said...

visited you today and lifting you up to God for His mighty right hand to guide you and protect you! You are a mighty warrior of God!! Remember KISS..... it even applies to Christianity! (Keep It Simple Stupid) I don't care for the word stupid but KISD is not a word!! LOL

Love you!
In Christ, your friend, Aimee'

T with Honey said...

Wow! After reading that list I can see how you needed to vent a little. Hope it helped. I know that writing things on my blog can be very therapeutic - just to get it out there and move on.

Just remember that this too shall pass. Good luck!!

Growin' with it! said...

you can "whine" away to me anytime, but you do need to stop saying things are all your fault. i can understand that statement, but don't be so hard on yourself girl. hmm so does lecturing you mean you won't blog about how things really are? cuz i love it when you do. makes me feel more normal.

aaaaaanyways, chin up and i've been thru these sorta slumps...more often than i like so hang in there.
♥ ya

Dan said...

I am very proud of you and your family and It's your fault, I laugh a lot and have lots of great things to tell share with people and it's your fault. I have four beautiful grandkids in Tennessee and in spite of just being kids they make your mom and I happy, and It's your fault. I have a great son-n-law in Tennessee and it's your fault. I have a lot of great things to look forward to in the future and again it's your fault. I cannot imagine what life would have been like without youand it's your fault. I may be the daddy but you have taught me a lot and I look forward to reading about your life and you guessed it, it's your fault. Keep up the good work the world is a very happy place and a lot of it is YOUR FAULT!

Pops

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

Even when you think you are whining, you are still so dang funny! I love that you share what's going on, because I was one of the 2 people who wondered what was going on!
It's hard being a SAHM and a HST as well. But I for one think you are doing a great job at both! Don't beat yourself up...say to yourself...she's only in kindergarten. It's okay. She will get this. I know she will.
Heavenly Father is ready and waiting to give you all the help you need. Pray for the answers you are searching for. Then listen to the still small voice that will answer your prayers. The answers are there and waiting for you find them. Remember "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Keep the faith. Faith proceeds the miracle and everyday is a good day for a miracle!
Hugs to you sweetie!

magnet for the crazy said...

Personally I love when you "whine" I then feel in good company lol. Oh I hope you can find a moment to relax in the midst of your chaos. thank you for checking in on me, its been a really rough road for awhile but I feel like sharing I plan on blogging later. Thank you for letting me know you were out there it did help!!!