Friday, October 8, 2010

Coffee Talk 10.8.10

Another week has flown can it be? Grab some water or bring your own coffee and we can chat a minute! My two year old has decided to join us this morning. Instead of getting up for my morning run...I am bribing him with a donut (AKA Honeybun) so I can at least get a quick post in. We have already played a game and read three books and it is only 6:30 could be a long day!

It has been COLD here this week. At least in the mornings. I must was hard to get out and run Monday in 34 degree weather...but I did it and it was actually a really pleasant run, you know, once the icicles fell off my nose!

We had a nice week. Schools were on fall break around here so lots of activities were cancelled which meant a low stress, stay at home kind of week. I LOVE stay at home weeks! We had friends over, got school done, went easy on was divine. Tonight will be a wonderful end because my Bible Study group is having a movie night. Tigerfan will take the kiddos to eat and I get to go hang out with some lovely ladies. I am going to try a new recipe and bring popcorn cake...I'll let ya know how it turns out. it is advice time at the Tigerden. I love to read a blog called A Beautiful Place. It is written by a beautiful lady named Shari Braendel who is a christian image consultant. Every week she writes an article giving tips or advice on women's beauty, etc. I love to read it and I love seeing all the trends, etc. 'Cause I really wanna be a put together momma...ya know. However, I have a hard time spending the money on fashion, accessories, etc. I know, in my mind, that we present a better image when we look nice. However, I also know that we have a bathroom in shambles, windows that need replacing and four children to put through activities, clothe and feed.

I struggle with this. I want to look nice and be put together, but I cannot seem to wrap my mind around that being more than just a want. I'm a mess, really. Our society says take care of deserve it. But I remember once doing a Bible Study by Beth Moore where she said what we deserve is death and Hell...everything else we have is just a blessing by God. I really think I have probably taken that a little too literally...but every time I get the "wants", that comes back to mind and I think, I have so much more than most of the people in the world. Yes, my shoes may be wearing out...but I have many pairs of shoes. Yes, my clothes may be outdated and they might not even fit really well...but I have more than one outfit. My makeup may not be quite perfect...but what a luxury to be able to wear makeup!

This was really bothering me, so I sent an email to Shari Braendel and she addressed it in her blog this week. Her advice made a lot of sense. But I still struggle with this. Especially since reading "Radical", which has rocked my world. I just wonder, is my desire to look put together a product of "the American Dream", or is it a desire put in us by God? Would the Proverbs 31 woman spend a little hard to come by money to look put together or would she minister to her family and then give what excess there was to the widows and orphans? I know this might seem like a very shallow struggle...but it is where I am at and I would love to know what my sweet Company Girls have to say on this.

To that end, I have decided to do what I can that doesn't cost anything. So, if you went to the blog and read the post...I am going to start by cleaning my closet and getting rid of the stuff that doesn't look good, doesn't fit good or that I no longer wear and I am going to download the wardrobe planner to see what I "need". After that, I guess I will decide if I am going to go any further...but along the way, I am going to take pictures and maybe next week, I can show you the before and after.

So, what do think? I need some guidance! HELP!

I look forward to visiting with you all this weekend! Don't forget to check out more Coffee Talk at Home Sanctuary.


Lea said...

Oh, Starr, you really are being hard on yourself. I see you as being very put together with a whole lot of natural beauty. I think there is a very fine balance and you will find that balance I know. I do think that the Lord expects us to look our best and take care of our bodies (his temple). But, I do not think that He smiles on it being the "be all do all" of our lives as our culture would have us think.

I can hardly wait to check out this site and see what she has to say. I've not come across a blog addressing such and I know I will enjoy it.

Have a fun, fun night with the girls. You certainly deserve the break! Love you!

Lea said...

It's me again........I just went over to Shari's blog. WOW! she is fabulous!I will be a regular visitor to her blog now. I thought her answer to you was absolutely fantastic. What a splendid ministry she has. Blessings to you!

Rooh said...

I know exactly how you feel. And I'm pretty sure you and I are not alone with that feeling!

What struck me most about the blog post you mentioned is this: "YOU are the image of what your children see as a WOMAN". Sons and daughters will look to us for what they think a woman is.


I won't be doing most of the things she had listed, but I should go through the wardrobe and either sell or donate the extra's.

Liking how you look can help you feel better in general. Whether that's society or part of God's plan, I don't know. But if you like how you look, you feel better and you act nicer (or at least I do!) and the grumps seem to disappear a bit.

But we also need to do what we can within our means. AND not stress about it!

Motherhood and womanhood is so full of guilt and struggles, eh?

Just trust that you're not alone :)

Jen said...

I do the budget in the household and I so know what you mean about the kids' activities, etc. What my husband and I decided to do was use a virtual envelope system. Everyone gets a little "blow money" -- husband, wife, and kids. There is also a clothing budget that we rotate through -- whoever needs it that month gets it. Mostly it's the kids, but this time my husband needed stuff for his camping trip. To not give yourself any money from the paycheck seems like deprivation to me -- if I did that I think I would surely slip into the martydom act. I think it's fine to spend a reasonable amount -- you can always ask God to see what He says would be a reasonable amount and then ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in your purchases.

Hope maybe one of these ramblings helped.

Anonymous said...

My first thought went to Proverbs 31...

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Girlfriend was crafty, smart, busy, business minded, thoughtful, strong both physically and mentally,wise and she looked good!

I think as a respected business woman and keeper of her home she was such not only because of her actions but because she took care of herself. She was excellent in deed and appearance.

I have a friend who is always put together to the "T". She shops from consignment stores and sale racks only. She keeps just a few basic pieces of clothing and accessorizes very well. All that to say, I think we can look put together without breaking the bank. And since you are worth FAR more than rubies I think our Father would want you lookin' and feelin' great!! Remembering we choose to be excellent in all we do for HIS glory!

Love you girl! Praying you find your balance in this!

Anonymous said...

Oh, Star, sweetie,
I remember having your same questions back in the day. Here's a thought I've picked up in the past few years...

1. When Peter says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment..." (1 Pet. 3:3), he is not speaking against having adornment. In context, he advises women not to DEPEND on outward adornment for beauty. Rather, beauty comes from your "gentle and quiet spirit" (v.4).
2. In the Eldredge book "Captivating," I learned more about that quiet spirit. What makes a woman most beautiful is a sense of rest, which comes from trusting the Lord Jesus and His provision. (Hint: needless guilt works against this.)
3. God has given you a husband who appreciates and supports your desire to look great. How about resting in that, and just enjoying it? Shari's advice will help you spend wisely.
3a. Perhaps you and your husband could set up a separate budget category just for your clothes/beauty stuff? That will legitimize your expenses, which takes away a lot of guilt; that feeling that no matter what you buy, it's "Extra."

Thanks so much for sharing; I hope this helps!
Love ya!

Anonymous said...

You're right. There are many out there like you. Hey, I don't even know how to put on makeup. =p Thanks for asking the question on behalf of us who feel the same way. Now, if I could find a way to like shopping... Very helpful advice from Shari though. Enjoy your time with the ladies.

CindyC said...

I read the blog you referred to, and I was so impressed by the advice. A little convicted myself, too!

As a stay at home mom of a toddler, with a husband who is searching for a job (i.e., we are always around each other), I rarely put for any effort to make myself up. But how sad is that? I'll dress up to go out with my girlfriends, but won't bother to try to look presentable to my family?

When it comes to budget, I had to admit to my husband (even just last night) that I feel guilty spending a dime on myself. And then I end up resenting him for spending a dime on something "non essential." If I had an "allowance" even as small as $5/week, that I could do ANYTHING I wanted with, I wouldn't feel guilty for buying a shirt or a nail color or a fancy coffee, or a bookshelf.

It's not prideful or conforming to the world if you make yourself attractive. Besides, we want to have an attractive gospel, don't we? Remember what Jesus said, that was radical in his day: "When you fast, don't look like you just swallowed a lemon; wash your face, do your hair, and don't try to look 'holier' by looking like a mess." (Loose paraphrase, of course) What he was getting at was the heart. Is your heart "trying" to be like the rest of the world? Or is your heart that you want to make your husband smile when he sees you put on lipstick and are wearing a cute top, and that your children will be glad that you feel more confident and ready for the day?

Sorry, I got carried away. :)

Aiming4Simple said...

I can really relate to the tension you feel about wanting to look good but hating to spend any money. I remember my own mother often buying new clothes for me and my sister and nothing for herself. Now I do the exact same thing!

I read Shari's answer and am glad you asked her about these issues. I don't have any specific advice for you since I'm in the same boat. I was, however, inspired by a recent vlog by Crystal at Money Saving Mom. Her minimalist wardrobe was amazing.

Are you going to send before and after pics to Shari? I'd be too sheepish if it were me, but would love to know if you do!

Danielle said...

Thanks so much for stopping by! I enjoyed reading your post and am about to start reading you got me excited about that!

Meegan said...

I struggle a lot with want to look like a sassy mommy, and end up looking like a frumpy mommy more than I want. But I have found one thing that helps me go from frumpy to sassy without spending hardly anything - accessories. It makes me feel much better, and look more put together, and I get more compliments, which then makes me feel even better! I just grab a cute necklace and bracelet, some fun shoes instead of sneakers, and it makes all the difference in the world - without having to buy new clothes. But when I do feel the need to splurge, I go to Ross or TJ Maxx and spend around $10 on a new blouse - and I have satisfied my need for something new without breaking the bank.

Meegan said...

By the way, I enjoyed having "coffee" with you today!