Friday, October 22, 2010

Coffee Talk 10.22.10

I thought I would hate it. I looked upon it with dread. I expected weeping and gnashing of teeth. And then, I became the mother of a teenager.

Ya really isn't that bad! I thought little ones would be easier, I mean the worst that happens is you forget to tie the refrigerator up and you find a two year old scaling the shelves. Don't get me wrong, mothering toddlers and early elementary ages can be tough and totally exhausting...but they are little and cute and they say the greatest stuff!

Teenagers on the other hand...ugh. I thought of hormone changes and "the talk". I pictured the fights and power struggles. I prayed and hoped and researched military school (okay...maybe I didn't research military school...but the thought crossed my mind). Anyway. I now have a teenager. We have been traversing this path for about 6 months now...and I have enjoyed it! All of the sudden, the little boy who stayed little just a bit longer than most of his friends has blossomed into a young man. We can have talks that don't involve super heroes, shows from Nickelodeon, or weapons. He will sit and watch House Hunters with me and is genuinely interested in what that house will look like in the end.

I love that he came home from youth the other night and told me how amazing their speaker was and I love that he realizes FINALLY that if he gets done with school a little early, he can do an extra assignment or two and then Friday, he has an easy day! I have a little adult on my hands...and I LIKE it! Oh, we are still early in the game. I know there will be battles ahead, but I find myself really enjoying this stage of parenting and I didn't expect that.

Except for one thing. GIRLS! Don't get me wrong...I am fond of them. I am one, after all! Up until a month ago, they weren't even much of a consideration. Life has been hunting and school and hanging out with buddies. And then, a sweet girl entered the picture. Tigerteen (I am renaming F.B to something more appropriate) has been a little later developing an interest in girls and that has been fine by me. I have always known all his friends and had a few picked out for good first interests. I was FLOORED one day when a different girl came on the scene. They ran Cross Country together and became buddies. They like some of the same teams. She loves sports...all of a sudden, Sports Center is on constantly. She plays basketball, all of the sudden, he considers restarting his basketball career. She is a sweet girl from a sweet family...but I am NOT ready for this.

I am blessed, Tigerteen still talks to me. So far. And I feel I am balancing on this tiny rope between wanting to keep the lines of communication open and wanting to stick my fingers in my ears, sing, "La,la,la" and hand him an action figure! I don't want to start boy/girl stuff. I don't! I REALLY don't.

And yet, here we are. We have explained that they can be friends...but at thirteen, that is all they are...friends. We have explained that they can hang out with one another...with other friends or parents. We have met her parents and really like them...but thirteen? This is too young. It is too soon. I want to enjoy enjoying my teen a little longer.

We recently added texting to our cell plan. In 20 days, Tigerteen had almost 10,000 texts. No, that is NOT a misprint. We told him he had no his parents, we had the right to all his passwords and to look at anything he does online or on his phone. So, the other night, we got out the phone and started going through. Just silly, teenage stuff. Kidding with buddies, kidding with his dad. And then...we got to the texts with "her". They had all been deleted. Every. single. one. What happened to talking to mom? I am sure the messages were innocent. I am sure he knew we would look and was afraid of Daddy giving him a hard time...but they were deleted. It was tricky, sneaky...and my trust has faltered just a bit.

So yesterday...we had to have a new kind of talk. One that involved rules about deleting messages, being friends and appropriate things to discuss with your thirteen year old FRIEND! I know there are heartbreaks on the horizon. I know that at thirteen, this will probably be only the first of many interests (although how amazing would it be if it was just a friendship that stood the test of time). I know that we have many other rites of passage before my young man becomes a young adult. But somehow, this one seems the hardest, at least so far. I foresee many hours on my knees and many tears yet to be shed...mostly mine.

Whatever happened to arranged marriages? Just asking?

Anyway, my sweet Coffee Talk friends, thank you for letting me vent...every week! I totally meant to rant about this earlier this week and just have a "normal" post...but I can't seem to get myself on this blog any other day. Also thank you to my precious friend from CiCi's corner. Do you know that she sent me the book, "Good Girls Don't Have to Dress Bad"? I have DEVOURED it and discovered that I have pretty much never done anything right. I have A LOT of work to do...someday I'll post before and after pictures and let y'all decide if it was worth it! For now, I have little ones who are expecting breakfast this morning so I must go. Hope everyone has an amazing weekend, look forward to visiting all the Company Girls. Don't forget to check out Home Sanctuary to visit everyone!


secondofwett said...

Oh Star...thankyou so much for your thoughtful sweet words...I immediately opened my Bible to the passage that you mentioned and saw that I already had it underlined...I too, must have found sustenance in those words in the past. Enjoy your teenager! He sounds pretty special.

Lea said...

Oh, my goodness, what memories this brings to my mind. But, hang on, I think you will look back on these years as some of the best. We LOVED the teenage years and all that it brought to the table. Truly, to us, young adulthood (the next phase) was much tougher. But, I have no doubt that you and TigerFan have done and will continue to do an awesome job with your children and one day they will rise up and called you "blessed."

Love you bunches!

Diane said...

Big hugs and prayers to you, Star. Every age brings challenges, whether it is making sure all the electrical outlets are covered and safe from wandering toddler hands, or checking electronic communication and setting boundaries.

Blessings to you and your hubby for the work you put into raising your brood - may God continue to protect and guide your family!

Anonymous said...

Are you trying to scare me or what?! =p I don't look forward to the not-so-fun part of teenagedom...oops, I typed teenagedoom at first. I guess that would be partly correct. =p On the bright side, you'll have some interesting stories to blog about.

addie said...

How did we get here so soon? Wasn't it yesterday that we were both pregnant at Sinda's wedding? I find that I think about these things more and more. The kids keep growing and changing and yet I am not ready to face the fact that all to soon they will leave. I know this is what we raise them to do. I want them to be happy, productive, God fearing adults...just not yet. I am becoming a sentimental fool and I don't think the girls appreciate it. Like you, I am trying to soak up every moment with them that I can, knowing it won't last but wanting to hold on just a bit longer. Kiss those precious children for me and tell them that Aunt Shauna loves them and hopes to see them soon.

Linda said...

and I thought "pre"teen was scary with the g.i.r.l. issue! it sounds like this boy of yours is a sweetheart and has incredible parents. way to go...I'm right behind you watching and learning!!! ;o)

Katharine said...

So, is it really wrong to arrange a marriage? What if we did it together you and I with our 13yr old boys?? I so know how you are feeling...but he is our last of four, and the older three are girls, and they have/are doing well. We are truly enjoying this part of the journey with them. It is not without it's trying times for sure, but we have seen God be sooo faithful to them and us! Hang in there, keep talking and if you want to discuss the arranged thing... you know where to find me ;) Blessings!!

Dawn @ P.S.He loves you.. said...

I'll be joining your club in 6 months..until then I'll just hope that it takes him longer to quit playing with legos and running around here in army fatigue..and yes I'm all for arranged marriages ;)

mholgate said...

Whew! I'll be praying for you. I'm glad it's not me yet. When I think about having 4 teenagers at once, with a 5th one right behind them...

Good thing I've got friends like you who can tell me what to expect! :)

Have a great weekend!


Anonymous said...

I have to admit to chuckling just a little bit atthis post. My oldest is now 14 and I had a little mini-breakdown when he started highschool. We homeschool, so it wasn't that he was going off to a bif school or anything, but the fact that I would only have him under my influence for anouther 4 years really hit me hard. I am now SOOOO glad I listened to an older friend who told me when he was little, "stick with it. Be comsistant. It'll pay off in the form of a great teenager." He really is a great teen. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments of boy-drama and attitude, but 90% of the time he's just a delight.

So far, no girls on our end. Which may be why it's been such a good time so far :)