Coffee Talk

I would like to offer you some coffee, but I don't drink the stuff. How about some water, or a Diet Pepsi, maybe a nice cup of hot chocolate?

This has been another week of just keeping my head above the water. However, on Wednesday, I was DETERMINED to get my "small thing" in. Believe me, getting in a small thing was a pretty big thing this week! Anyway, Wednesday's assignment was to get to know someone a little better. I really planned on doing this assignment with Tigerfan, unfortunately ridiculous winds and uncooperative trees, buildings, etc. kept hubby from leaving his job with the phone company and so, on the way to church, I found myself "getting to know" my kids.

We actually had a blast playing a game where I would ask them questions like, "What is your favorite ______________?" or "If you could only go one place but there were no cost/time restraints, where would you go?" The kids had fun trying to figure out their answers and kept begging to play more.

The funny thing is, I really thought I would learn about my kids, get to know them more deeply, but what I discovered is that the vast majority of the time...I was pretty sure what their answers would be...and I was usually right. You see, as a home schooling mom, I spend A LOT of time with my kids. I know their likes, their dislikes, their friends, their interests, even the things they THINK they are keeping from me.

So, my first deep thought with that was that that is just how God knows me. I am His child and He knows my deepest self. The things I say don't surprise Him, He knows my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. He knows the good...and the bad...and the embarrassing (I know that about my kids, too!) and He still loves me. He still desires to know me, to spend time with me, to have a relationship with me. Okay, not real profound, but so comforting.

But my next thought, well frankly, it bothers me a bit. Because that is how God wants me to know Him. He wants me to KNOW Him. To know Him like I knew the cries of my babies. To recognize His voice like I recognize my children's in a group of kids. To be able to read His hand the way I can read the writing of my child and know whose it is. To KNOW Him.

But really, I know about Him. I like to tell myself I know Him. I read my Bible, I go to Bible Study, I make my kids memorize scripture after scripture. I have a list of do's and don'ts that I just know He would approve of. But do I really KNOW Him? Do I really know that when I pour out my heart...he hears? Do I really believe that when I lay my requests out to Him, he cares? If He were to call out to me would I hear Him, would I recognize His voice, would I obey? The truth is, I don't know Him like that. But I want to. I want to be passionate for Him. I want to be hungry for His word. I want to mimic Him the way my daughter mimics me when she plays house.

Honestly, I will probably never know Him as deeply as I would like. I will never be able to comprehend all He is and does and says. I am not sure if I will ever totally embrace the fact that He knows MY name, knows the hairs on MY head. I am not sure that I will ever let go of my fears (and I have a lot of them) and just allow myself to be who He created without worrying about what others are thinking. I'm not even sure how to begin. But what I do know is that one "small thing" has got me thinking and hopefully it will change my relationship with my God forever.

So, I encourage you to go to Home Sanctuary and see what Small Things can do for you. I would love to put up the little button thingy...but it continues to elude me. I would like to KNOW about that too!