Opened Doors

Yet another day of deep thoughts...don't get used to it, school has started and even with just a partial schedule, things are already getting crazy!

Teaching Sunday School yesterday, I had some new thoughts (for me) about an old story and what better place to share. This may just be my new favorite Bible Story for awhile. The story, Paul and Silas in jail. You know the one. Paul and Silas are imprisoned for sharing Jesus. Because they are such "bad dudes", they are put in shackles and placed in the middle of the prison. The part saved for the really bad criminals. They are put under guard. They don't whine or complain, instead, they sing. They praise God in the midst of imprisonment. And then, the floor starts shaking, the shackles fall off, the doors of the prison are opened. The perfect chance for escape! The guard, realizing he must have lost all his prisoners prepares to kill himself. And then...before he does anything crazy...Paul and Silas announce that all the prisoners are still there.

Okay, so I've heard the story a million times. I have heard lessons, and even taught them, about how they worshipped in the jail, yada, yada, yada. But yesterday, something else struck me. I know it is because of our recent circumstances, but I like it anyway. You see, in our culture, in our church, we always talk about open doors. If God is leading you somewhere, the doors will open. If you are headed in the wrong direction, He will close them. It is a lovely, comforting thought. The path seems so clear. And yet, in this story, the door opens...but Paul and Silas...they stay. They didn't walk through that open door. I'm sure they wanted to. I'm sure as they sat in that prison, they longed to be free. Maybe they talked about what they might have been doing. Maybe they had a strategy session for what they would do when they got out of there. I wonder if they felt frustrated that their ministry was being slowed down because of this little bump in the road. They may have wept for those they wouldn't get to talk to because they were "locked up".

I can only imagine what was going through the minds of the prisoners as the shaking began and the shackles fell off. And most of all, I wonder...why did they stay? Of course, Paul and Silas, despite that opened door must have felt the Spirit of God telling them to stay. But what about the others. There may have been some rough characters in there. Surely they longed to be free themselves...and what an opportunity. What held them there? Was it the darkness? The guard called for lights, but that was only after the prisoners told him not to kill himself. Was it amazement, did they think they had more time? Why did they stay? If I had been there...would I have stayed? Didn't that open door mean go? I am really fascinated by this right now. They stayed.

And I think about where we are right now. There was a door I thought was open, and I was ready to go through. Now, in our situation, the door seems to have closed and we are staying because, well, we have no choice. But sometimes, it seems, God calls us to stay. Even when we want to go. Even when it seems we have so much to offer on the other side. Even when we are frustrated because staying seems so fruitless. God called them to stay. God seems, for now, to be calling us to say. I can pout, I can fuss, I can cry and complain. Or I can sing. I can praise and maybe, just maybe I can have an impact right here.

Do you know the end of the story? The guard invites Paul and Silas to his home where they share the good news and the guard, along with his whole family believed and were baptized. I wonder, how many more believed after? How many people did the guard share with? How many ladies heard the story as they drew water from the well? All because they stayed. And so, while my heart longs to go...I will stay. I will try to have an impact, I will try to share the story, I will try to do it with a good attitude and maybe some one's life will be changed just because we stayed.

Coffee Talk 8.13.10

Good Morning Ladies! I hope today finds everyone doing well. Grab a drink...I prefer something nice and cold since temperatures around here are something akin the the gates of, well, a very unpleasant place. On the bright side, I heard a report yesterday that next week things will be cooling off and we will get to enjoy a week of nice, cool 90 degree weather, UGH!

I am going to just list my rambling thoughts today because otherwise, no one will be able to follow the jumble that is in my head.

1. I started running...okay walking with an occasional run to make me feel better...again this week. I had started training for a 5K last winter and was stopped dead in my tracks by planter's fascitis. If you haven't had the joy of that little foot condition, thank God today! Anyway, I woke up this week and realized that while I still have some pain and soreness, the stretching, etc. has worked and I can actually walk around and wear cute shoes without wanting to scream! So, I decided to get back into training. I think one word can wrap up how I feel...OW!

2. We started school this week. Not because I wanted to but all the schools in town have started and we like to take breaks, etc. when they do so the kids can hang out with their friends. I am really beginning to think this whole school thing is overrated. If we were Amish, this would be my oldest son's last year. Hmmmm, something to think about!

3. I am making my oldest son read a book called "Do Hard Things" written by teenage boys to encourage teenagers to rise above low expectations. I have been reading along with him...ya know, so I can give him assignments, lord it over him and throw in the occasional, "son, you can do better than that...do hard things." Anywhoo, the book is kicking ME in the tail! In fact, it is reading that book that kept me going on my run this morning when I really just wanted to throw in the towel.

4. I HATE running. Runners always say how much they love it. I wonder how long you have to do it before you stop saying, "I would rather have a tooth pulled with no anesthesia than go out there and run again this morning." Cause, I really want to like it. I really want to get that great feeling of refreshment and satisfaction. Instead, I kind of feel like I want to throw up. And my legs hurt. I really don't enjoy running.

5. My baby is growing up too fast. He is so cute! I just love to hang out with him. He loves to play, and talk, and sing, and laugh. He is really a joy. But he is growing so fast. I want to cherish the moments I have with him being little. Although, if he wanted to just volunteer to start pottying in the toilet with no effort on my part...I would be totally cool with that.

6. If you read earlier this week, I had a minor breakdown. I am doing better. I am trying to accept God's will for us...but sometimes MY will just seems so good, ya know? Anyway, a lot of my frustration has come because of a ministry opportunity I thought we might have. Since reading "Radical" I have really been impressed that I need to search for opportunities to minister and share Christ with people. I need to be deliberate about it. So, I began praying and this opportunity presented itself. The timing seemed good and I was excited about it but it hasn't come through...at least not yet. As I pondered, okay pouted, about the situation, I realized that I have been so focused on this ministry that MIGHT happen but I am missing opportunities all around me that I can do RIGHT NOW. These words from Jeremiah really spoke to me this morning as I was doing my Bible reading,

"I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own;

it is not for man to direct his steps."

Jeremiah 10:23

I may have been having a bit of a pity party because my plan seemed so good and right and had such good timing. But it is not for me to decide. And the fact of the matter is...God is good all the time, so if He says no to this, it is because He has something better in mind. I may not ever know what it is. I may never see it. But I know it to be true because of the nature of God. Don't get me wrong. I am still stubbornly praying that option one still happens. But in the meantime, I am seeking ways to minister and share Jesus right here where I am.

Well, I could go on with these rambling thoughts, I've got a million of them in me today...but, frankly, I need a shower and I need to start school and clean house, and do my Bible Study lesson...so, I look forward to visiting with you all over the weekend. Hope you have a great one and be sure to check out Home Sanctuary for more Coffee Talk.

Change

I HATE change! I HATE it! I go into it kicking and screaming. I hate it so much that once you walk into my house...you have seen it. The furniture will never change. The "stuff" lying around as decorations will still be there years from now. I cook the same meals, go to the same restaurants and wear the same clothes all the time. When I find something in a restaurant that I like, I will order that item forever. No matter how they change the menu. No matter how delicious something else looks, I won't change. I HATE going to new stores, new restaurants or new places. I just really hate change.

And so...you would think that a few weeks ago, when a potential change presented itself, I would have dreaded it. I normally wouldn't have even thought twice. And yet, something about it called to me. It seemed right. I began looking forward and thinking, with excitement all that this change could mean. I had fun daydreaming and making plans...just in case. I pictured how things "could be" and I actually looked forward to it, embracing change, desiring change.

And now...well now, it seems that change may not be happening after all. It seems that things may just stay the same. Maybe the change will happen, eventually, but not in my timing, and I find myself staring sameness in the face. I don't like it. Now, the thought of another year of the same thing is KILLING me!

I could cry at the thought of another year home schooling a jr. high student. I dread the thought of entertaining a two year old while I try to do Spelling with a second grader. A year with TWO children doing Science Fair sends shutters down my spine. Another season of Bible Study and Sunday School and Dance and Guitar. I'm adding a thing or two, a ministry at a local apartment, FB is running cross country...but I am so depressed by what usually brings me comfort...as evidenced by the MOUNTAINS of processed food I have eaten in the last week.

Why is it I have so much trouble being content? I'm not sure why I cannot just trust God's hand and His plan. I'm not sure why I so often question when He is so faithful...but that is what I am doing right now. I'm not sure why I am even sharing this in such a public way except that I need to get it out, I need to express my heart. I have poured this out to God...He says wait. Pitifully, I have no 3 a.m. friends to whine to right now, so the world wide web gets it instead. On the upside, when you don't post for weeks at a time, people stop reading and there is a very good chance I will just get this off my chest and no one else will ever read it...that is okay. I just need to vent.

So, I'm off. We have begun school and math is calling...as is Tigercub who does not appreciate Momma, his summer playmate, putting him off for unimportant things like reading and phonics. Maybe we will finish early and go out to the pool. Tigercub can nap, the big kids can swim, and I can dream about what might have been! Maybe I'll write a country music song! I can feel one coming on!

Note to Self:

Dear Self,

You are no longer 18. You are getting old. Therefore, you can no longer do some of the fun, carefree things you used to do.

Just because that diet soda looks so cool and refreshing, if you drink it at eight o' clock p.m. you WILL be up...all night. It is not worth it. Drink the water. You will sleep and it is free.

If you stay out in the sun...you MUST use sunscreen. Although you do tan easily, the sun will dry out your skin and you will be up...all night scratching at an endless itch. It is not worth it.

Finally, for several months now, you have eaten almost totally vegetarian. Although you have had a few forays into the meat eating world, they are few and far between. Why you thought it was a good idea to eat TWO meals containing meat in one day, I am not sure. However, the results are in. The heartburn and general blahs that it causes are quite awful. You WILL be up...all night. It is not worth it.

While being up all night was typical way back when. It is no longer fun and your children will suffer for it in the morning. Please remember this next time your are tempted to, again, take leave of all your senses in one weekend.

Yours truly,

Star

Coffee Talk 7.30.10

Wow, I cannot believe another week has come and gone! I can remember growing up thinking that the days would never end and the summers lasting forever! Now I am old and I am desperate for things to slow down!

It has been a good week. I have finally decided that starting back to school is inevitable and I should really just accept that and properly prepare. So...I actually ordered curriculum, cleaned out the "book room", and have begun planning for centers, activities to keep Tigercub occupied, and even the dreaded Science Fair.

Most schools around here start next week! UGH! We are NOT starting next week! Tutorial doesn't begin until the end of August but I will not wait that long, so I decided to give the kids one more week and then the following week, we will start easing into things again. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it a little bit.

What I am not dreading is the fact that they will HOPEFULLY be too busy getting back into the routine of school that they will not have time to fight, argue with me, annoy one another or whine because this momma is tired of strife in the home! I may have threatened once or twice this week to go ahead and start school just to stop all the fussing. Of course, they all know I am just blowing smoke because I don't actually have any curriculum with which to start and they know it...maybe we could just go back to the old days and do write offs!

Anyway, today, FB is going to start preparing to run cross country. One of the small private schools here lets home schoolers participate in their sports. FB is not exactly excited about this but has given up all his other sports and so I told him this is his P.E. I actually think he might enjoy it and he will probably be pretty good at it. Even if he doesn't, the season only lasts till the end of September so it isn't a huge investment.

So, how are all of you celebrating the end of summer?

Don't forget to check out Home Sanctuary for more Coffee Talk.

Book Review: Resurrection in May

I finally finished reading my second Booksneeze book. I really chose it just because it was one of the only few available and I drug my feet a little getting started. I won't be so slow next time. This book was amazing. It was provided for me free, by Thomas Nelson, in exchange for a review.

Wow! That is the first thing that comes to mind after reading Resurrection in May by Lisa Samson. I am not sure what I expected. Maybe a light love story, easy to read while sitting by the pool. What I didn’t expect was to be so emotionally drawn into the lives of Claudius and May and Eli. This book is POWERFUL. I laughed and I cried, and I might have sobbed once or twice!

I love that this book, set on a little farm in Kentucky, was totally unpredictable. The characters were real. The emotions intense. The faith story profound. It is story of struggle and friendship and the love of a savior that never gives up on us, never forgets us, never leaves us even in our darkest times. It is a book I will not soon forget.

Coffee Talk 7.23.10

Good Morning, Ladies! Come on in and grab a bottle of water or perhaps a can of V8. I broke my blender so I can't offer you a green smoothie...but my MIL gave me some money for my birthday, so I hope to have a replacement soon.

Although it has only been a couple of weeks, I feel totally out of touch...I am so excited to make the rounds and see what everyone is up to. This week has been a week of resting and catching up.

We had an AMAZING trip to Idaho. I was finally able to see my family, some of whom I haven't seen in 5 years...that is just too long! We were lucky enough to hear my mom and dad and a team from their church talk about their mission trip to Belize. Probably what touched my heart the most was hearing about a little state run orphanage. The conditions there were AWFUL and my heart just breaks for those little children. I do not know the name of the orphanage or anything about it, but it is in my prayers every day, I wish that I could go and take over and just love on those sweet babies and tell them about Jesus.

We then got to go to Jerome and see my grandmother and several aunts, uncles and cousins...it was so great and I will absolutely NEVER let it be so long between visits again. Then we went to Boise where my kids got to hang with their cousins for 2 1/2 days. They had so much fun. If you have read long, you will know that it was after my sister's visit here last year that I had a hormonal pre-teen boy who moped around the house for a week in depression because we couldn't pack up and move to his cousins...he even got online and found his daddy a job as a bi- lingual translator for AT&T...unfortunately, Tigerfan is NOT bi-lingual. The kids were pretty sad about leaving again and we have heard the words, "If we were in Boise..." countless times since we left. FB has even informed us that he is praying daily for that to happen!

The drive home was a little tough because we chose not to reserve hotels beforehand. The reasoning was that we could just drive as far as we felt comfortable with and then stop. That worked really well for us...for awhile. Unfortunately, after day 1 of the return trip, we spent the night in Laramie, WY. We got up and headed out, drove to Independence, MO, ate supper and decided we could drive a little further. So, we did...our goal was Columbia, MO. We began calling for Hotels and there were none. In fact we called, and called, and called and finally were told that there were no hotels ANYWHERE until you got on the other side of St. Louis! By the time we had gone that far, it was about 3:00 a.m. and we were only a few hours from home so we decided to go the whole way. In 21 hours, we drove 1,179 miles...I don't recommend it!

The trip was TOTALLY worth it. We had such a good time and in the next few weeks I hope to share with you some of the things that God has been teaching me. He is alive and working and has great things for us. For now...I have to get out of denial because, despite the fact that we normally start school the beginning of August, I have not only not ordered curriculum, I haven't even decided what we are going to use. I think I am waiting for a flashing sign from above and a few thousand dollars to fall from the clouds to make my decisions clear and affordable! I don't think that its going to happen..because I have totally been watching!

Well, I must go feed breakfast to the masses...I look forward to visiting this weekend...don't forget to check out Home Sanctuary for more Coffee Talk!