It has been almost a year since my last post which I just read through and felt all the feels all over again. The funny thing is, as I was struggling with the hard, I had know idea that in just a few short days, things were going to get so much harder.
I remember that, as things got tougher, wanting to blog. I remember feeling like a failure, again, because I had made a commitment and I was not following through. (I, in no way thought anyone was waiting with baited breath to read my words, the commitment was really to myself, not the three people that will come and read this!) However, I also realized that in the hurt and confusion that I was feeling at the time, if I got on here and blogged, it would be one or ten of those cringe worthy posts that you see on social media where you shake your head and know someone will regret the over sharing at some point. I also know that, had I posted back then, there would have been some passive-aggressive hope that the people that I blamed for our situation would read the words and feel some of the pain and anger we were feeling and be consumed by horrible regret and remorse, yada, yada, yada.
So, I decided to just be quiet. I would like to say that today, I can look back on the events of the last several months and laugh at my angst...I cannot. I can say that, through the hard came some peace, some resolution and that we are in a better place than we were a year ago. I also must say that I am still trying to get over the feeling of hurt and betrayal that we felt.
I have struggled with whether I am at a place where it is okay to start blogging again. I hope I am. I know this will sound silly to some, but I used to love to sing. I was no professional, but I loved singing in church choir and sang an occasional solo here and there. However, I haven't sang in choir in years and have limited my "joyful noise" to church worship services. Last year, the first week of school, I lost my voice...and it has never completely come back. I get hoarse very easily, and I can no longer sing...my voice is scratchy and hoarse sounding and quite unattractive. It makes me sad...and I often think of the story in the Bible about the talents and how the guy that didn't put his to good use lost them. I never was going to be a professional singer and the opportunities to sing in choir these days are limited as churches are going to a praise team format, but I think about that often and mourn the loss of that "talent". Another thing I love is writing. I used to dream of being an author and writing a book...and maybe someday I still will, but somewhere along the way, I lost my inspiration and the busy and crazy of life got in the way. Lately, I have been thinking about that, and I don't want to lose that talent, too. So, although some of the wounds of the last year are still a bit fresh, I still want to get back on the saddle and try again...even if it is just for me...because I actually love going back and reading the journal that these posts become and seeing how God was working in me and how I have grown and changed over the years.
So, after that wordy introduction, let me just share where we are right now.
Chris is no longer with YoungLife, and while we are grateful for the 3 years he had there, we are so blessed that he is now a part of a church staff here in the valley. We have seen how God has directed us, by using YoungLife to get us to Utah and then by leading us to K2 the Church. It is so refreshing to be a part of a local church again. For the first time in 3 years, we actually have community! I was so very hungry for that. I thought that we would have it built in with YoungLife but, to be honest, that was one of the loneliest times of my life! At K2, I finally feel at home, we have friends, we are building relationships through our life together group, we have a support system with the church staff, our children are being discipled by someone other than us again...it is just so sweet! It is also a huge relief to actually get to do ministry instead of always being worried and focussed on fund raising. This is not something we ever thought we would seek out or a change we expected to make, but I love when God's plans trump ours!
I am still at my school. It has been a hard year. I had to change grades and a lot of other "stuff", we will also be getting a new principle next year so there is a little uncertainty about what is to come. However, as hard as it is, I love being a part of a hard school. I love getting to love on kids that do not always get loved anywhere else and I love feeling like I am making a difference. I cannot say that I have made a life changing impact on any teachers there...but I do know that I have had the opportunity to have discussions with a couple of them about grace and how God loves us because He is love and not because of what we do...I only hope that He continues to speak into their lives. Y'all, God is working in this valley! Please continue to pray!
Last July, our oldest, Brooks married his beautiful high school sweetheart, Hannah. We could not love that girl any more and are looking forward to what God will do with them. Right now, they both just graduated college. Hannah is continuing her education and working on a Master's degree and Brooks is trying to find full time work while continuing to work at Starbucks and build his media business, Neely Media (which you should totally check out, by the way).
Adam graduated high school in May and 4 days after the wedding, he headed off to the Navy. He has since completed Boot camp and A school and is stationed in Washington State. He graduated as the honor graduate of his class for orientation and dropped into his company (he is working alongside the Marines) this week. He is loving it! He will also turn 19 years old tomorrow and I am both amazed that I have another young adult child and that my recent graduate has grown to be such an amazing and mature young sailor!
Lilly is a sophomore in high school, attending the same school Adam graduated from and loving it. She and I love to sit and dream about owning a coffee shop some day with a little boutique in the back with ethically sourced accessories and clothing. Cooper is planning to be our baker and we have a rock solid business plan...now we just need a few thousand dollars to make it a reality! :)
Coop had a rough year at my school last year...so he changed schools and actually attends a charter school that meets in the same building our church meets in. He has LOVED it!
Annet still attends school with me, and FINALLY, after 4 years, I convinced them to test her for Resource. She now gets 1 1/2 hours of help a day and 30 minutes of speech. Her teacher said she is already seeing a difference! Hallelujah!
To be honest, though, Chris and I would really love the opportunity to home school the two younger ones again. SLC is a HARD place to go to school and a hard place to be a Christian. It is lonely and the crowd that accepts you if you are not LDS is not always the crowd you want your child to be in. We have seen with Adam and now with Lilly how hard this can be...however, it is so much more expensive to live here than in the south that we really cannot afford to go without my income. So for now, we continue to shower our kids in prayer and just keep plugging away and trying to seek God as we make decisions about their education.
I am really trying to start pouring into the lives of a few ladies in our church, which isn't always easy for a full time working mom who is also a textbook introvert and really just wants to go home and hide in my bedroom, but I feel like this is one area that God is leading me in and I am excited to maybe form some close friendships that I have really missed the last few years. Chris and I are also still going to the gym...and I still hate it! But I know it is important and we need to do it...I have fallen off the healthy eating a bit in the past few months, years of bad habits and lots of life changes have kind of sabotaged my efforts, but I am trying to get back to good choices.
Oh, one more life update. We lost our sweet, precious Malibu dog this summer. It was totally heartbreaking as she was seriously the sweetest dog we have ever had and had totally captured my heart. She seriously was used by God to get me through some of the hardest Utah days the past few years. Anyway, in November we made the
Anyway, that is our life right now. We love having older kids and the adult relationships we are building with them. We are realizing that we are really old parents to our younger kids and are apologizing to them on a regular basis and explaining to them that this is why God gives children to younger people! Luckily, there is grace!
Hopefully, I will be back before another year is gone!
Blessings!
